Being alone wasn't so bad at first, but as the years started to add up I got a little worried. It's not like I didn't try, but every time I got close to someone, I wouldn't pursue it any further. I couldn't figure out if they weren't good enough, if I wasn't good enough, and after three years I decided to not care anymore, pretty much about anything.
Then she came around.
I met her at school, I remember I couldn't get over how much energy she had, or how great she looked, but that was the extent of my feelings. Just like every other girl with a pretty face I had met. But after she was gone, I remember not being able to think about anything else, and all I wanted to do was to see her again. A week later, there she was again. We went to go climb roofs, I remember guiding her by hand across a few of the scarier parts of the roof, and how great that made me feel...just the touch of her hand, gave me a feeling I hadn't felt in years. We sat on the peak of the roof, looking out at the school below. I remember all I could think about was how close she was to me, how amazing I was feeling at that moment, and then the sinking feeling that I would never have her...I could never have anyone, I've been alone for three years, I've failed out of college twice, why would this girl, this amazing, strong, sexy, caring person want me? What could I give her?
A few weeks later, I was suddenly in a relationship with her, this girl, Tracy, who I had longed for so but saw absolutely no hope in being with, I was with. Five months have passed, five of the happiest months in my life, and I am so in love with her. When I'm with her, everything in the world is suddenly ok, even the worse becomes bearable, and when shes away, all I can think about is the next time I can be with her, to have those feelings again, the same feelings and more than I've been having since the moment she walked away for the first time.
She really does love me, and that above all else I find so amazing. We work well together, I'm lazy and messy, shes responsible and clean. She makes all the plans, I whine about the plans until I finally decide to go, she gets a 'tude, I mellow out until it cools down, or pin her down while she throws a fit (cutest thing you'll ever see). That's not to say I should let myself go, but it's nice when you find two pieces of a puzzle that actually fit together.
And of course there's the basics, we like the same music, we enjoy the same movies, blah blah blah, but really, all that is just icing on the cake, this great, big, quadrupal layered chocolate vanilla brownie chip mocha caramel cake that it our relationship (bad analogy I know, people might get the wrong idea, but basically I'm saying it's fucking amazing).
I love you Tracy James Martin, and I have no doubt in my mind that we will love each other every day for the rest of our lives.